So, there was this discussion on another site (www.dearauthor.com , mumble, mumble, mumble) and they happened to discuss a heroine in one of my books, and that, along with the Sex and the City Movie started me thinking. Is there truly an anti-heroine, or is it — like the Loch Ness monster and stellar customer service — a mythical beast that doesn’t exist?
These are the questions that I ponder when I’m supposed to be writing. In the discussion a heroine who is fighting for her independence is fighting against the mores of the constraints of a romance. But, I posit to you, independence is a tried and true conflict in romance. A very real conflict, usually seen on the other side of the Y chromosome (i.e. MEN!) . But does that mean that women can’t worry about their independence as well?
There was a review (millions!) of the Sex and the City hoopla and one of the points that came up was that SATC started out as a story about women’s independence. It was the Mary Tyler Moore show for the new millennium. Not only did these women have a social network and careers, but they ruled their sex/love life. Looking for marriage or happily ever after? No, siree! But somewhere along the way SATC fell into the romance “trap” (their words, not mine), and it became a romance novel, with the women looking for love in uh, mostly all the wrong places.
So, of course this started me thinking. In most cases, I believe in the power of love. I believe that two people will be stronger than the sum of their parts, but I also think a woman can be fine if she’s not in a relationship – even in the long term, mainly because I think there are people who either a) can’t be in a relationship because of their state of mind or their past experiences, or else b) really shouldn’t be in a relationship because they can barely take care of themselves. But there are also the in-betweens: the women who either want or need their independence, but wouldn’t be adverse to love if they find it. So, are these “go it alone” females the anti-heroines? Is Carrie Bradshaw the original anti-heroine (Oh, my God, I’m hearing her voice-over narration in my head)?
(cut to the moment before the commercial break): Can a woman striving for independence survive it in the girl eat girl world of romance novel heroines?
I don’t think a true anti-heroine (i.e. a woman who is actually better off alone) belongs in a romance novel, however, I do believe that a woman searching for independence can, OOPS! fall in love and have her life plan altered along the way. I like to be surprised in books. I like to be surprised in my reading material. I like to be surprised in life. In real life, God has a completely ironic way of taking our expectations and shredding them, 50 blade, confetti-cut. I’m all for that in my stories as well.
Is a heroine truly searching for independence too much for a romance novel? Is female independence the stinky garlic to the blood-sucking vampireness that is the traditional romance novel structure? Is the Sex and the City movie going to be a hit, or is it over the hill? Is the cosmo passé? Has anyone ever spent over $400 for shoes?
Just asking…. :roll:
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I never watched the show as I didnt have the cable channel; when it syndicated I caught a few shoes and didnt really care for it or the characters - don’t shoot me.
I never had spent $400 for shoes nor would I.
No, I dont think a heroine searching for indepence too much for a romance novel - as long as she IS open to love and romance and the sexy hunk. LOL.
by Pat L.
on June 2nd, 2008 at 8:38 am
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Pat, I understand completely. I will probably watch the movie — on DVD, but I had a good friend who went and loved it this weekend.
There was an article in a UK paper about the growing number of single women (basically has doubled in the last few years). These are women who are single by choice, and although would be open to “love and romance and the sexy hunk. LOL” they aren’t going to settle. The conversation about independent women has opened my eyes to a lot of differing opinions on women’s place in the world.
by Kathleen OReilly
on June 2nd, 2008 at 11:21 am
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Never watched the show; won’t watch the movie; don’t have a clue about Cosmo; will never spend $400 on anything wearable, up to and including my wedding dress (the ex paid for the dress, and all my jewelry has been gifts, so there).
On the serious questions… I completely agree with you that there are people of both sexes who would be much better off alone than in a miserable relationship with someone else–either because they are making the other person miserable, or because they are incapable of the give and take necessary for a workable (let alone happy) relationship.
But I like, very very much, the idea of someone who is complete by herself, and not just content but happy, being surprised by how much better her life can be by the addition of that one ingredient. Particularly when the compromises in the relationship do not mean her giving up who she is–i.e., independence, career, what have you.
Unless, of course, that is what she wants–and that want is portrayed believably by the writer.
by azteclady
on June 2nd, 2008 at 11:37 am
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I thought about Sex and the City when this topic came up at Dear Author. I absolutely LOVE the scene at the friend’s wedding in which all of the girls walk away from the bouquet. The image of bridesmaids kicking and clawing for a chance at being the next one to marry is so common, and insulting! I love the show for making fun of it.
And yet, Sex isn’t a romance novel, and that was the end of an episode (I think) not the series. I agree with you that a woman who refuses love makes an odd romantic heroine.
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I think it’s all about balance. And/or what the person or character wants.
Jill - I’m one of the girls who has to be dragged out to the middle, and backs away from the bouquet. In fact, one girl turned to me incredulously at the last wedding I went to and said “it could have been yours!!!” (I was only on the dance floor to “catch the bouquet” due to strict orders from the bride.)
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a woman who doesn’t devote 100% to finding a man and being in a relationship. In fact, I think there’s something wrong with a woman who defines herself based on whether or not she’s in a relationship - but that’s me personally.
Now, a woman/heroine who wants nothing to do with relationships… I personally don’t think has a place in romance. It’d be too unbelievable for me, if for 300 pages, she’s actively avoiding a relationship, and then in the last 20, falls madly in luuurve.
On the other hand, a heroine who isn’t actively [and madly] seeking romance, yet finds it - that’s fine. Love those stories - they can be cute and fun. Or, where the heroine has a spine. I not only like it, I prefer it. Too many romances I’d like a lot more if I didn’t feel like the heroine just rolls over and dies “for the sake of love.”
I don’t think a strong heroine is that much of an anomaly. Or at least… she shouldn’t be.
by limecello
on June 2nd, 2008 at 3:05 pm
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~a heroine who isn’t actively [and madly] seeking romance, yet finds it - that’s fine~
Totally agree. I just read a book in which the heroine joined a gym (and was desperate to lose weight) with the sole purpose of attracting the attention of a man. Like, she wasn’t good enough the way she was, and had no goals in life beyond getting skinny for “him.” Fail!
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I have a hard time relating to a woman so emphatic about avoiding relationships only to succumb to the overpowering charms of the hero within minutes. That’s not very believable to me. I get frustrated with the number of books about “independent” women who are anti-relationship because some of the reasons behind it are in total contrast with being independent. They come across as more of a victim. Yes, a parents’ bad marriage, or a traumatic personal experience can color one’s views on relationships, but not all bad experiences have to render such an aversion to relationships. Many people learn and grow and move on from them, stronger than they were before. Now that’s a heroine I can admire. It’s all in the telling.
And if on the other hand, the heroine wants to live her own life, on her own terms, and is open to the idea of finding a partner “someday”, then yes, I can work with that. Some women are truly happy being alone, living their lives the way they see fit. I know several, and they lead very fulfilling lives. I also have friends are who in “dead-end” relationships and stick it out because they are afraid to be alone. Can’t relate to that one either.
LOL, I hear ya on the bridal bouquet, limecello. I never cared for this tradition, but that’s just me.
by Stacy ~
on June 3rd, 2008 at 6:36 am
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I’m laughing at the bridal bouquet thing. I didn’t see that episode. I might steal and put in a book someday because it’s a wonderful character-defining moment. The next heroine that I’m working on is divorced, but not cynical about it, and starts out the book not actively searching for a relationship, but by the middle of the book, she is. This has given me a lot of food for thought, because I think I write a lot of heroines who are too independent, and i think I want to try and write someone who is a little less independent this time. Don’t know. Things always change, but if I think I’m veering into a rut, I try and shake it up a bit.
Thank you all for the insights.
by Kathleen OReilly
on June 3rd, 2008 at 9:14 am
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Jill - that’s horrible. But I can do you one better (or worse)? A girl (woman) I know - more an acquaintance/ former friend that drifted away… she’s now married, and knew she would be for a while - but her husband then boyfriend said he wouldn’t propose until she reached X weight. I was horrified. Yet all the other people were squeeing and congratulating her and telling her she could do it and all sorts of happiness.
To make it “better” she and he said it was because she had to/wanted to lose weight to be healthier. I’m all for being healthy - but if anyone ever dares tell me they won’t propose to me until I weigh X number of pounds, it’s going to be very ugly.
I felt like the crazy one because I felt like there was something seriously wrong with that.
Stacy - isn’t that sad? I’m definitely not ready to be married [and triple that on kids]. Maybe in a few years. But I have friends who stay in horrible relationships - or are relegated to being a booty call so they can say they “have a man.” Ugh.
by limecello
on June 5th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
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