Don’t you just hate the realization that you’re turning into your mother? I don’t mean those because-I-said-so and ask-your-father responses that accidentally slip out of one’s mouth when you’re too distracted or frustrated to form a real answer. I don’t mean the little foibles either, as irritating as my husband finds some of those. 
No, I’m talking about the big behavioral stuff. Like what’s happened with my writing process.
I used to be able to write anywhere. I enjoyed the freedom and the variety of taking my Alphasmart everywhere, writing in the car while traveling, in my bed first thing in the morning, or outside at the garden table, or even down the paddock sitting at the base of my favorite river red gum. Close to deadline I’d relish taking myself off to a hotel for a few days where I’d write and write until my fingers bled. (Almost.)
But lately — I don’t know quite when or why it happened — I’ve become fixed in my ways. Like my mother, sigh, I crave the familiarity of “my place” with “my things” around me. I have a keyboard I prefer above all others and I don’t like the gloss of my laptop screen. I need the flat-screen monitor, but plugged into my laptop.
I need the collage of my book just off to my left and my synonym finder and reference books within reach of my left hand. I need space to my right for the notepad where I jot down bits and pieces — what I need to research, what I need to go back and fix, brilliant (or not so much) observations on future scenes — as well as my coffee cup, water glass, and phone. I light candles before I start, play one go-through of each of five card games while listening to my get-into-the-mood music (through earphones, nothing else works the same), and then I can start writing.
Late last year I tried one of those mini finish-the-book retreats I used to love, but I had to pack everything to take with me and set it up just so…and it wasn’t the same. I was restless, couldn’t settle, didn’t write enough. Day two, I packed everything up and came home to my familiar place.
Yes, I’ve become my mother. Completely and irrevocably set in my ways.
How about you? Do you need a routine to accomplish your daily work or do you prefer a less rigid approach? And ‘fess up — have you said anything lately that’s made you think, help, I’m turning into my mother!?
Join the discussion for a chance to win a Desire 3-pack, including Bronwyn’s latest VOWS & A VENGEFUL GROOM and titles by Maxine Sullivan and Katherine Garbera.
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Your place sounds wonderful and not entirely unlike mine. I have to have certain things to get in the mood and mind state to begin writing. I have to have no kids running around and the ipod is a must.
As far as becoming like my mother, it’s to late I already am. I complain about the same things. I expect to much from everyone around me (just like her) and have to keep everything in their spot (just like her). I told my husband at the beginning of our relationship if I start to act like my mother tell me. He did once and then never again. LOL
by Patty L.
on February 5th, 2008 at 8:03 am
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Your desk space looks way too neat for me! LOL 
Well, I haven’t reached that point yet — I’m 31, but I still haven’t noticed doing anything that’s my Mom-like. Guess there’s still time. LOL Good thing, maybe? LOLOL
Lois
by Lois
on February 5th, 2008 at 9:58 am
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I do like my routine and it definitely throws me off when it’s changed. For years now I have noticed that there are some behaviors that are the same as my mothers. My family will notice periodically but everyone loves my mother so I don’t worry too much about being compared to her.
by Maureen
on February 5th, 2008 at 10:07 am
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What’s worse is turning into your mother when you don’t like her much as a person . . .
by Lorelie
on February 5th, 2008 at 10:26 am
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yes i do i am like my mom most of the time. i need things in the rigth order. the bathroom has to be clean
by kim h
on February 5th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
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I need a routine to help me accomplish my work more smoothly. I usually have my day mapped out the night before. I like to be prepared and if something comes up unexpectedly, I usually have to scramble to revise the schedule.
by Jane
on February 5th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
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I used to be alot more organized than I am now. Used to have somewhat of a routine. Now that I have my 4 year old son and 15 month old girl it is alot harder to maintain a routine. As for reminding myself of my mother, don’t all mom’s do that. I know I do that and sometimes it makes me smile and sometimes it makes me groan.
by Cherie J
on February 5th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
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I have one tiny winy thing as a routine while doing my work or studying and that’s
a mug of coffee or tea beside me.. makes me feel focused 
As for becoming my mother, that’s something I’ve always knew was coming thought it hadn’t actually landed yet.. Somehow anyone you criticize at some point you’re what criticized.. Like I’m never good at receiving advices from my mom.. and now I’m on the verge of giving them.. That’s bad
by Mona
on February 5th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
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If you take away my routine anymore I feel lost and cranky! I wish I knew when and why this happened. I used to be so flexible and able to do 4 or 5 things at the same time. Now I have a hard time keeping one project going straight!
by Susan
on February 5th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
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Hi Bron,
You’re very precise in how you go about writing! Whatever gets it done, I say. I haven’t found myself becoming like my mother… yet, I think. Well, my mother and I are both the savers in the family. As to routine, mine is sadly only to routinely procrastinate, then rush to get things done.
Some people have begun to tell me that I look like my mom. Which is a “big deal” because I look so much like my dad. He used to joke he made a mold of his face and stamped mine with it when I was born. Growing up, strangers would see me, then him in different parts of a store, walk up to my dad and say “she’ll never get lost.”
by JSL
on February 5th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
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This is so funny and I love it. I guess we all get to be like our Mother in some way as we grow older. I too expect too much from all around me - although I now keep my mouth shut and say to myself that it isn’t going to happen - and I like to keep things uncluttered -my Mother didn’t have ANY clutter! That isn’t gonna happen here either!
I also like a happy home so I pick my “fights” 
by Dee
on February 5th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
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I already am my mother!!
by Estella
on February 5th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
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i use to have a real strick routine and I ended up getting myself so stressed out when things were not done at a certain time. I am alot more laid back now and try not to stress out on the little things in life.
by Karrie
on February 5th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
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Patty, we could be twins. I’m nodding in agreement to the part about yr husband. That conversation also took place here. He also knows better than to tell me again. 
I suspect we may be of an age.
Lois, you’re a spring chicken. I won’t scare you by saying I was in denial for a looonnngggg time before I recognised the truth.
And I should also add that this isn’t ALL a bad thing. If I’m as switched-on and active and full of life as my mum is in my 80’s, I will be a lucky woman…which I know I already am in so many ways through being her daughter.
by Bronwyn Jameson
on February 5th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
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PS: I should also add, Loid, that my desk doesn’t always look like so neat. That’s either between books or early stages of a book. And my writing-only desk. This desk — with the internet computer and used by all the family — you are not seeing a photo of!
Maureen, every mother should have a daughter like you. I love that you’re happy with the concept of turning into your mum. Says so much about the yr mother-daughter relationship.
Lorelie, hugs. Recognising what you don’t want to be is definitely the first step to changing that behaviour, though. You can be who you want to be; your own person.
by Bronwyn Jameson
on February 5th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
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Kim, oh yes, the bathroom. That’s a priority with my Mum too. And the routine, Jane. I am also a big list-maker, although part of that is because I’ve become so forgetful.
Cherie, you must be so busy with two little ones, but that’s a wonderful stage of busy. I can say that because mine are all grown up and not listening to THEIR mother, which is when I think fondly of them as toddlers. Re our mothers: yep, sometimes we smile, sometimes we groan. So true.
LOL Mona. So true! I’m raiding my cup of coffee — yep, always here beside me — in agreement.
by Bronwyn Jameson
on February 5th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
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Susan! Another twin from another mother!! It so irritates me that I can’t multitask any more…at least not without writing lists and notes of what I’m doing so I don’t forget. Definitely happier when I can concentrate on the one thing and see it through.
Jennifer, I wish I could be less organised and precise in my approach to writing. I used to be and I hate the rigidity of my present process, although people keep telling me not to mess with the process. I love the bit about your looks changing — I bet you enjoy that part of turning into your mother. I have nieces and nephews in their 20s and it’s been fun watching them grow into their adult looks and seeing new facets of their parents’.
by Bronwyn Jameson
on February 5th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
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My husband commented from the moment he met my mother, that I was just like her. One time she and I were in period costumes. He took a picture of us as we were walking away and we did look like twins - same shape, exactly.
Concerning routine, don’t have one now. I used to be fanatical about having everything just so. Now that I’m retired, not so much.
by Laidybyrd
on February 5th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
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Dee, picking your “fights” (knowing when to lead the charge, when to retreat) is a great strategy. Thinking about this just now, as I reply, I realise that while I moan about turning into my Mum, I also learned so very much from her. Like I know that she charges in on everything she feels strongly about (and that’s a lot.) From which I learned that it’s not always the best way of getting things done or of being happy. We disagree on that, however, my Mum and I.
Everyone, I’m really enjoying this discussion. My original idea with this post was about my writing routine and the heading a bit of fun, but it’s made me think about a lot of things. Good things. So thanks and keep yr obseravtions coming!
by Bronwyn Jameson
on February 5th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
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I am not really very organized… something which is not a quality 
so I accomplish my daily chores with no particular order… but they need to be done by the end of the day!
by Nathalie
on February 5th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
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So the writing retreat was not very fruitful… it must be hard to isolate yourself just to write… I know I have a lot of difficulty try to do that when I have a major exam approaching (like in 3 days!!!!!)
I am not very list oriented but have a certain order in mind when I need to accomplish something
by Lily
on February 5th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
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Estella,
Karrie, great attitude. I’d love to stress less — is there a secret I need to know?
Nathalie, sounda as though you are a relaxed soul like Karrie. Good for you!
Lily, unfortunately the retreat did not work. I have done them in the past to great effect but as I said, have changed. On a happy note, I am doing a retreat with a group of other authors next month and am looking forward to that. A different animal altogether, where we feed off the group dynamics and creative energy.
by Bronwyn Jameson
on February 5th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
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I think that I truly began turning into my mother once I had children…and they learned to talk. I also grew much tidier and tried instilling this into my kids. It has much to do with wanting to be able to find things when I want them. Family members who use items and do not return them to their place get frowned at. This seems to primarily hurt me since I think I am developing the same frown lines as my mother, too. *sigh*
by Little Lamb Lost
on February 5th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
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Hehe - yeah -I’m there with your nieces and nephews. I’d love to age like (well either of my parents) but especially my mom. A few years ago people thought she was in her late 30’s, early 40s. My sister who is 3 years older than me gets mistaken for a high schooler. I need to be more organized. My room/space looks like it threw up on itself. I comfort myself/ make the excuse that my room is the outer manifestation of how I feel on the inside. 
by JSL
on February 5th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
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Laidybyrd, I love those period costume shoots. I have a great one with my sister we had done in England. If only we’d remembered to take off our jewellery and watches, it would look like the real thing. My sons have looked at it and asked which is me–and I don’t think me and sister are even alike!
Interesting that you’ve changed as far as routine goes, now you’re retired. I’m a strange mix of organised and laidback, actually, because as much as I need the routine around my working day and process I like the rest of my life to be les structured. So maybe I’ll be a laidback retiree as well!
by Bronwyn Jameson
on February 5th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
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LLL, I see you are a prgmatist, like me. You raise a very wise point about the reason we change. To make life easier! LOL about the wrinkles…oops, I mean character lines.
J, you are very lucky to have the youthful-looking genes. Look after them, won’t you? They will be much appreciated in yr 30s and 40s and 50s and onward. As for yr room, oh dear. Please do not supply photographic evidence. 
by Bronwyn Jameson
on February 5th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
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I have always admired my mom. She didn’t drive and would walk all over town. Once my aunt had a stroke and was paralysed on one side, my mom would walk over to the nursing home everyday at lunch time, cut up her food and help her feed herself. Her daughters worked during the day and would take turns at dinner time.
by Joyce
on February 5th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
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I’m thinking I’m pretty much opposite my mom in a lot of ways - her favorite thing to do is clean house and I’ll do anything not to clean, she’s obsessed with how much things cost and although I’m careful I’m not that extreme, she tends to answer for others and I really try hard not to do that. She’s always worked very hard which I really admire. She’s a very heathy and alert 84 so I hope to do as well lol.
by catslady
on February 5th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
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Sad, but I think I could probably stand to be a little more like my mom! I was (and still am) amazed at how she managed to get everything done and take care of us kids. I’m quite a bit less organized, and the house (and the kids’ eating habits) reflect that And JSL, I’d love to age as well as my mom, too–so far I don’t see it, but I can still hope that those genes will evidence themselves sooner or later!
by Fedora
on February 5th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
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Joyce, your Mum sounds like a champion. Your aunt is so lucky to have her and her daughters — but then it’s not luck is it? She raised them right.
Catslady, I’m not fastidious with the cleaning either…in fact I’m very creative in finding ways NOT to clean. Mum wonders where she went wrong and shakes her head. But there are certain things I like to be just so. I have my limits…which my sons always want to test.
Fedora, love how you appreciate your mum. That’s cool. Sometimes it may sound otherwise, but I do love and appreciate all my mum’s done for me and my guys.
by Bronwyn Jameson
on February 5th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
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Haha, I would never ever post a pic of my room, much less take one. Horrifying. Sometimes I worry about “looking old” - people always think I’m the older sister- but considering people think my sister is 16, that’s not so bad. Also, people on the phone still ask to talk to my “mommy.” I figure I’m doing alright ;-). My mom is a super lady.
by JSL
on February 5th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
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I too have a definite routine that if I don’t follow it makes me irritable and edgy like I’m always trying to catch up or get back on track!
As for being like my mom I sure hope not !!…we’re total opposites!! She drives me crazy. She’s very self centered. She’s also very hyper. SHE CANNOT SIT STILL!! She loves to shop. I HATE it!! I clean my house, she has a cleaning lady. I work. She’s never had to work.
I definitely do not want to be like my mom in any way, shape or form.
by Laurie G
on February 6th, 2008 at 4:51 am
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J, I’m at callers asking to speak to your Mommy. That’s so cute! (Which I’m sure you didn’t want to hear!)
Laurie, it sounds as though you are total opposites. Good that you’re your own person. Not good that there’s no middle ground.
by Bronwyn Jameson
on February 6th, 2008 at 5:12 am
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I’m the other way around. I like to work at my desk and no where else, and my mother like’s to wander.
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Alice, that is me now, set in my ways just like my mother. I used to be able to wander to settle anywhere and write, write, write but not anymore. 
by Bronwyn Jameson
on February 6th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
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I definitely need a routine to get things done. I don’t think I’m turning into my mother. Not yet, anyway.
by Minna
on February 7th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
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I have drawn a winner of my giveaway pack. Congratulations to:
Dee.
And thanks to everyone for popping in to talk about mom-things. See you next month…or perhaps at my blog where I have a February prize pack to be drawn from all my visitors.
Bron
by Bronwyn Jameson
on February 7th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
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wtg dee
by kim h
on February 7th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
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congrats Dee
by Dena
on February 10th, 2008 at 4:18 am
