In every author’s life, there comes a time when her fortitude is put to the test in the most grueling challenge the literary life has to offer. No, I don’t refer to scrambling to write the last three hundred pages of your manuscript in about three weeks flat because that pesky scoundrel of a deadline went and snuck up on you. Nor do I refer to the reading of Amazon reviews (although that does require great fortitude). Ladies and gentleman, I give you… the author tour.
Picture it. Ten days. Seven cities. One author. It would make a brilliant sort of reality television show. We could call it “Last Author Standing”, or, perhaps, “How to Lose an Author in Ten Days.” Facetiousness aside, I adore author tours. It’s absolutely fascinating to see cities you might never have otherwise visited, meet people as batty about books as you are, and get lost in airports all across America. Trust me, I can get lost anywhere. But I can always find my way to the nearest Starbucks. Everyone has her own talents.
The last author tour I went on was all of three days long– at least, that’s what my calendar claimed. I was in law school at the time, so three days was all I could steal away. In those three days I (a) got lost in no fewer than four different airports, (b) spoke to a group of historians who asked more questions about my stalled doctoral dissertation than about my novels (hmm, must really get back to that dissertation one of these days), (c) sat in front of a display of my books at a supermarket where I ate my weight in ice cream (brought to me by the extremely lovely and kind staff) and signed all of two books, and (d) drank about fifteen grande toffee nut lattes in three days, a new personal record. After three appearances on the last day, I rounded off my tour by sprawling amoeba-like across the bed in my Houston hotel room, gorging on room service chocolate cake and watching “Pretty Woman” on TBS. I can’t wait to do it again.
In a week and a half, my latest book, The Seduction of the Crimson Rose, hits the shelves and I hit the road. This time, my author tour is rather longer than three days, which raises the fascinating question of how many lattes can one author drink?
Before I embark on my grand adventure, do you have any crazy travel stories to share?
For those who are interested, here are the details of my transcontinental journey:
Cambridge, MA
Wednesday, February 6, 7:00 p.m.
The Harvard Coop
1400 Massachusetts Avenue
San Francisco, CA
Monday, February 11, 7:00 p.m.
M is for Mystery
86 East Third Avenue
Houston, TX
Tuesday, February 12, 6:30 p.m.
Murder by the Book
2342 Bissonett Street
Dallas, TX
Wednesday, February 13, 7:30 p.m.
North Park Barnes & Noble
7700 West Northwest Highway
Nashville, TN
Valentine’s Day! 7:00 p.m.
Davis-Kidd Booksellers
2121 Green Hills Village Drive
New Haven, CT
Saturday, February 16, 2:00 p.m.
Yale Bookstore
77 Broadway
Hope to see some of you there! As an apology for my shameless self-promotion, one poster, selected at random, will receive an advance copy of Crimson Rose.
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Good morning. Glad to have day off from work today.
No crazy travel stories here.
But hope you have a great journey. Come back and tell us some good stories.
by Pat L.
on January 21st, 2008 at 6:20 am
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I have no crazy travel stories for you but wishing you good luck on your latest release. Wish you were touring somewhere close to me.
by Teresa W.
on January 21st, 2008 at 8:49 am
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Good luck with the tour! Our worst travel story was when we got the brilliant idea to rent an RV and take our then two little children to Chincoteague, VA. It rained and was cool so we were mostly stuck in the RV with two very bored little ones.
by Maureen
on January 21st, 2008 at 8:51 am
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I don’t really have a crazy travel stories and usually manage to avoid getting lost even when traveling by myself. My luggage has gotten lost a couple of times though. I share your love of toffee nut lattes. They are what gets me through finals week. Good luck!
by Lauren
on January 21st, 2008 at 9:24 am
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Oh geez, I can’t wait to read Crimson Rose!  Alas, no crazy and unusual stories here. . . so hopefully you won’t have any either on your tour! LOL Have lots of fun!!
Lois
by Lois
on January 21st, 2008 at 11:16 am
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Well…no crazy travel stories.. unless you consider our family has driven straight through from NJ to Florida more than once.
Have fun on your tour.
by Ann M.
on January 21st, 2008 at 12:06 pm
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This lengthy drive occurred a year ago when a businessman offered to spend the weekend with us and his wife in Az. We were assured that he was a great driver and not to worry so we didn’t. But the backseat of the car was extremely uncomfortable with little or no back support. Luckily I brought along a jacket and rolled it up which helped. The problem occurred when he contined to eat non-stop throughout the trip which was very unpleasant and odorous. As well as this on the way home he was stopped and received a traffic ticket.
by anne
on January 21st, 2008 at 12:30 pm
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good luck on your tour and new book
by Karrie Millheim
on January 21st, 2008 at 2:18 pm
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Good luck on your tour! Hoe many planes is that?
by Estella
on January 21st, 2008 at 2:55 pm
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I recently traveled to Chicago with an older gentleman who not only felt the need to continuoulsy tell, and retell, stories about when he used to race professionally, but also to demonstrate by driving the whole way at 120 mph. I think he thought I was a really great listener because all I could do was nod at him, but the truth of it was that I was so scared by the sheer speed we were traveling, I was rendered speechless! 
Have fun on your tour!
by Jodi_Lee
on January 21st, 2008 at 3:16 pm
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Oh my goodness, Lauren - during law school?! You’re crazy! Haha -I’m in law school now and can’t even imagine doing that. I’d love to leave for 3 days - especially for such awesome reasons, but unfortunately its just not going to happen. Wow. You rock.
Hm, I don’t have many crazy travel stories because a) I don’t get to travel much, and b) when I was younger we weren’t allowed to go off by ourselves because my parents were convinced we would die. Once in Taipei, we were in the equivalent of a mall, I was on a different section of the store, and got lectured for being separated. I did go on a family&friends vacation to Vegas once while in high school (sounds bad already, right?) with a militant planner. We had to eat according to the schedule, and do everything according to schedule. Whether we wanted to or not, regardless if we were hungry or not.
Congratulations on the new book and good luck on the tour - and as a side, it sounds like you’ll have a you vs. latte count running.
by JSL
on January 21st, 2008 at 3:21 pm
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Hi, all! Pat, I hope you’re enjoying your day off– isn’t it weird seeing everyone out and about in the middle of the day rather than mewed up in the office?
Maureen, your road story sounds like some road trips I took with my grandparents when I was little. Why DOES it always rain? I remember slogging through Gettysburg with thunder and lightning going.
Lauren, poor you with the luggage! That happened to a friend of mine when he was supposed to be speaking to a conference of musicologists in Paris. Air France lost his luggage, so he had to show up in front of all the learned gentlemen in his jeans, plaid shirt, and non-designer stubble. Apparently, he got an extra big round of applause for his guts in doing so!
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Jodi, that sounds terrifying! Racetrack… road… two different things? Eeek.
JSL, good luck with law school!! Our parents clearly share the same “a child out of sight is a kidnapped/tortured/murdered child” conviction. I remember getting a mall lecture, too!
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Toffee nut latte, mmmm, sounds delicious. I’ll have to try it.
Crazy travel story - more like I was crazy. First, keep in mind it was a different world back when I did this. I was driving cross-country, chatting with truckers on the CB radio (in the days before cell phones). They were helping me stay awake when I told them I was just too tired to continue. One of them said he had a second driver with him who would drive me until we found a place to stop. I agreed. So here I was with a stranger driving my car and I fell asleep until everyone stopped at a hotel that had parking for trucks. I got out, rented a room, had dinner with them and all was well. Amazingly, they were happy to help and no one tried to push their attentions on me. I still marvel at their chivalry. But WHAT WAS I THINKING?!
As to your tour - so near and yet so far. When you’re in Nashville (which is closest to where I live), I’ll be in Florida. Doesn’t it figure?
by Laidybyrd
on January 21st, 2008 at 3:44 pm
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Can’t wait to read it. I have been on the list from my local library since about thanksgiving and I’m still #5. Looking forward to it.
by faith
on January 21st, 2008 at 4:03 pm
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White Chocolate Mocha latte for me!! 
As for crazy travel story..here’s as crazy as it’s gotten for me:
This year, the day after hosting Thanksgiving at my house, we had to take the six hour trek down to Miami for a wedding (who the HECK has a wedding on Thanksgiving weekend…the lord only konws!  ). We had our car with three children aged 9, 7, and 4. Along with this, my sister followed along in her van with her infant son, her mother in law, her sister in law, and her two nephews, aged 3 and 4. That was the WORST trip ever! We had to stop too many times to count because, of course, all the kids needed to go to the bathroom at diffrent times. When we actually GOT to Miami (a six hour trip now turned into an eight hour trip), my middle daughter got a stomach virus just in time for the wedding. She and I ended up not going. We left the next day to go home and it was another miserable ride home with my sick daughter and my sister’s infant son just getting his first cold from some lovely person at the wedding who chose NOT to stay home and decided to share the wealth!
by Sharmi
on January 21st, 2008 at 5:52 pm
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Wow, Sharmi! That sounds absolutely horrible!!
No particularly hair-raising stories here (knock on wood), so I wish for you calm, pleasant, uneventful travel all around! We did a couple of international flights a few years ago with our then three-year-0ld and nine-month-old, but have avoided flying since then. We do have a trip to Asia lined up in a couple months with our three kids–we’ll see how it goes then
by Fedora
on January 21st, 2008 at 6:33 pm
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Wish more authors would come to PA lol. I have travel stories but they’re all so long ago. A trip to Europe where they lost my husband’s luggage for 3 days and all I can say is that it was a good thing it wasn’t my luggage!! Getting sent by a cabby to a strip club instead of a regular bar and getting charged over $200 for a bottle of wine because that was suppose to include a girl. Missing out on the Eiffel Tower because my husband got sick. Missing out on seeing the Mona Lisa because for the first time they lent it out to Russia. Getting stuck in a hotel room with someone’s wife who was sick and b*tchy and didn’t want to be left alone. Getting totally smashed from mead in the tour’s castle dinner and losing my hard contacts because my husband thought he’d help me get them out and then almost missing the plane home because I was sooooooooo sick. And that was just some of one trip lol.
by catslady
on January 21st, 2008 at 6:35 pm
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Years ago during the Christmas holidays we were returning home from Florida and instead of landing at our airport we were diverted out of the way. I was exhausted, since it was the middle of the night and we did not get anything back from our original fare. We had to take a train all the way to our city which took over 8 hours, were cold ,miserable and sick. They original said a bus but I could not bear that so we paid for the train instead. It took weeks to recover and I will never forget this nightmare.
by ruth
on January 21st, 2008 at 7:22 pm
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No crazy travel stories for me. Good luck with your book tour.
by Linda F
on January 21st, 2008 at 7:29 pm
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When my husband was on active duty in the Marines, he was stationed for several weeks on Great Exhuma in the Bahamas, I flew down from Michigan with several other wives/girlfriends of Marines to stay for a week. There was only one flight in and one flight out of the island each day. On the day we were to head back to frosty Michigan, the plane broke down and we could not leave. I am fairly certain that no one back in Michigan believed us when we told them we were “stuck” in the Bahamas for an additional day!
So if you have to endure any crazy travel issues, I hope that they are the equivalent of an extra day in the Bahamas. 
by Marla
on January 21st, 2008 at 10:10 pm
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Lauren, not sure if I’ll be away in February, but if not. going to try and get to Yale when you’re there, not far from me.
My worst travel experiencing was driving to Hilton Head one year when my car started leaking power steering fluid and hard to drive. Was a weekend, stations all along the highway closing early, couldn’t help. Then I get to Selma, NC, where this guy says he can fix it, rides my car up and down the pole all day long, while we sat around and waited and waited. Never saw him work on the car though, then we get told at a diner he’s ripping us off. Sure was, almost refused to give my car back to me later at night and wanted money until I grabbed the pay phone to call the police, lol. Managed to get it across the street to a hotel and checked in. Called my BIL back home who told us over the phone how to cut the power steering belt so we could drive with no damage or more leaks. Now why couldn’t all those mechanics along the way have done that, lol. Got if fixed no problem once I finally got to SC.
by Pam P
on January 21st, 2008 at 10:37 pm
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Marla, I would *love* to be stranded in the Bahamas! Where can I sign up for that?
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Catslady, that bit about the wine coming with girl is hysterical (although I can imagine it not being so amusing at the time!).
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Thanks so much to all for the good wishes for the tour! I’ll definitely watch out for airport detours (Ruth, that sounded awful!), Frenchmen bearing bottles of wine, and friendly truckers. I promise I’ll be back with lots of stories (and an accurate latte count!) next month.
In the meantime congrats to our Crimson Rose ARC winner, Sharmi! Sharmi, if you’ll email me your address, I’ll send that right along to you. My email is willig@post.harvard.edu.
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I’m past the deadline to win an ARC, but here’s my craziest airport story, wrapped up in five words: Never fly out of Newark. My worst experience was being pickpocketed in Madrid, but all they got was 40 euros, my credit and ATM cards, which my husband, back in the US, promptly canceled, and my student ID. It lead to calling my mom to wire me money…when I was 28! Agh.
Good luck on the tour…wish you were coming to Champaign-Urbana, IL!
by Jessica
on January 22nd, 2008 at 10:28 pm
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Congrats, Sharmi! And safe latte-filled travels, Lauren!
by Fedora
on January 22nd, 2008 at 10:43 pm
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I missed seeing St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome because thanks to jet lag and my boyfriend’s secret stash of sleeping pills (directions reading: DON’T TAKE A WHOLE ONE UNLESS YOU ARE THOROUGHBRED HORSE, YOU NINNY), I could.not.wake.up. He finally left without me.
Flying home from college once (New York to California), I missed my connection and had to spend the night in the St. Louis airport. I ended up sitting on the counter in the bathroom (only place with light) playing solitaire on my laptop, eating Fritos, and scaring the ever-living daylights out of little old ladies coming walking in to wash their hands.
And I think I’ve been lost in every single place I’ve visited. I also spend a significant amount of time lost in San Francisco, also known as The Place I’ve Lived For Five Years.
Speaking of which, I’m bummed I missed the book drawing, but I’ll come to your SF signing! (If I don’t get lost trying to find 3rd St. that is. Sigh.)
by Amber
on January 23rd, 2008 at 7:08 pm
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Ummm, there are no Canadian cities on your author tour 
We are sad and lonely without you….
by rachel
on January 28th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
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