I’ve just begun writing a new book. Being a veteran author of three whole books, I’ve gotten to the point where I can recognize certain patterns (other people have been heard to employ the term neuroses, but I think I’ll stick with patterns here) that inevitably occur at the beginning of each new book.
The first stage is blinding euphoria. This will be the book that Makes My Career (careers can only be made in capital letters). Dialogue, motivations, those tender Oscar-winning moments—I’ve got it all. The entire story has unfurled in my head like a triumphal banner flying from the turret of a castle. Hell, I can write this sucker in a month! (Forget the fact that all my previous books have taken the better part of a year). High on the brilliance of my Best Idea Ever, I fling myself down on my desk chair—and find myself facing a blank screen.
Wait. How did that get there? Doesn’t it know that it’s supposed to be full of Brilliant Prose ™?
I stare at the blank screen. The blank screen stares back at me. It wins. I break eye contact first, and go to the fridge to find something to fuel my creativity. Because, really, what great writer has ever set quill to paper without first eating peanut butter from the jar? I’m sure Shakespeare would have eaten peanut butter from the jar if he had been in possession of both peanut butter and a jar. Would Shakespeare have had a jar? Even more intriguing, would Shakespeare have had peanuts? They’re obviously a New World comestible. Suddenly, I find myself consumed by a burning need to ascertain the availability of peanuts in London in the late sixteenth century. After all, I was a Renaissance Studies major in college. I’m supposed to know these sorts of things. I go and dig out my old notes on Raleigh’s journeys. Nothing on peanuts in there, but, hey, ol’ Raleigh was really pretty gullible when it came to dealing with those natives. Didn’t he realize they were pulling his leg half the time? No wonder James I put him in the Tower. He was probably trying to protect Raleigh from himself.
Three hours later, I’ve gotten sidetracked onto Elizabeth and Essex, but I still have no idea whether they had peanuts in London in 1600. More importantly, my screen is still blank. Obviously, the thing to do is read a novel. Reading someone else’s prose will inspire me with the pure, clear joy of storytelling and I will return to my keyboard with winged fingers. Or, I could become incredibly disheartened because everyone else knows how to write and I don’t, followed by curling up into a disgruntled lump on the couch. Guess which option I go with. Time for more peanut butter. Even better, I could buy more peanut butter. Everyone needs to eat, and grocery shopping is such a responsible, grown-up type activity… except that my fridge is already full. Damn. I could eat everything in it so I’ll have an excuse to go food shopping, but even in my book-panicked fog, I realize that that probably isn’t such a good idea.
I trudge reluctantly back to the computer and type a tentative word. The. The what? I don’t like it. It’s so indeterminate. And it’s such a cliché. Oh goodness, I’ve only written one word and I’m already being trite. When did I lose my ability to write? This is, in fact, the Worst Idea I’ve ever had. My characters make no sense. My plot line is as full of holes as old gym shorts. My book will suck. My career will be over. I’m going to have to practice law for the rest of my life.
Having done this three times already, I now know to keep the peanut butter jar at the ready and all the windows bolted shut. And when my mother and little sister respond to my moans with, “You say this every time,” I blithely reply, “I know.” And then I whine anyway. (Because if you can’t whine to your family, what’s a family for?). It may not be fun (especially not for my mother, sister, and the various friends who also have to listen to the ritual whine), but it’s become an inevitable part of the process. For some reason, each book needs to be inaugurated with a sacrificial period of elation and despair before I reach the point where I can simply sit down and write.
Do you have similar patterns in your own life? Rituals that simply must be observed before you can get down to serious work? Things you panic over even when you’ve completed them successfully ten times before?
On a completely unrelated note…. Just as I was writing this blog entry, I received word that my second book, The Masque of the Black Tulip, is up for a Quill Award! The Quills are the publishing world’s answer to the Oscars, complete with celebrity presenters, slinky gowns, and televised awards ceremony—and even after lots of jumping up and down and squealing, I still can’t believe I made it into the final five in Romance! Winners are picked by popular vote on www.quillsvote.com, and the televised awards ceremony airs October 28th on NBC. You can be sure that I’ll be blogging with the details in October—with lots of pictures! In honor of my fabulous Quill news, I’ll be giving away a copy of Black Tulip to one poster, selected at random.
Now back to our regularly scheduled blog….
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Congratulations on your nomination! What exciting news.
The beginning of your writing time sounds like my daughter studying for finals. She spreads all her information out on the dining room table along with paper and pencils and index cards. She then proceeds to talk to anyone in the house within hearing range of her.
by Maureen
on August 26th, 2006 at 6:47 am
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Congratulations!
I go through the same thing, actually. First it’s such a wonderful idea.
Then…it sucks. In the words of Karen S, it sucks donkey balls!
Then…the whining. :mrgreen:
by May
on August 26th, 2006 at 7:19 am
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I panic whenever I have a large family gathering! It doesn’t matter that they are my family or that they’re really not fussy or judgmental.
It can be a picnic or a sit down dinner iIgo crazy with lists , lists and more lists… food to buy, what to make ,where things will go, who eats what, who hates what,how long things take to prepare etc I’m in a frenzy until it’s over.
by Laurie G
on August 26th, 2006 at 7:25 am
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Congratulations on your nomination for a Quill Award! That’s wonderful!
Laurie, I’m just like you! Wanting everything to be perfect can make you crazy! lol
by Carol
on August 26th, 2006 at 9:15 am
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Hearty congratulations on your book being up for a Quill Award!
I so enjoyed your post. It reminded me of my college reports and papers. I always started with making a pot of tea and then stared at a blank sheet of paper praying for inspiration to strike. I frequently had to get up for a snack of some kind after sitting long enough for paranoia to set in…all of that white was just mocking me. Funnily, one of the snacks I would head for under this type of stress was peanut butter from the jar. I ate it in the oh so refined manner of dipping a Hershey’s bar into that creamy peanutty goodness. In a pinch, a carrot could be substituted, but only after knocking on the doors of everyone else in the dorm and being assured that no chocolate was to be had.
by Little Lamb Lost
on August 26th, 2006 at 9:18 am
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Congratulations on your nomination, Lauren!
I suffer from OCD. Nuff said….
by Melissa
on August 26th, 2006 at 9:24 am
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Hearty congratulations on your book being up for a Quill Award!
I so enjoyed your post. It reminded me of my college reports and papers. I would make a fresh pot of tea before sitting down and staring at the blank sheet of paper, praying all the while for inspiration to strike. After sitting long enough for paranoia to set in…all of that blank white was just mocking me, I would get up for a snack. Funnily, one of the snacks I frequently reached for was peanut butter from the jar. I ate it in the oh so refined manner of dipping a Hershey’s bar into the creamy peanutty goodness. In a pinch, a carrot could be substituted but only after knocking on everyone else’s door in the dorm and being assured that there was no chocolate to be had.
by Little Lamb Lost
on August 26th, 2006 at 9:28 am
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Have tried to post a comment twice. Oh well, hope this one comes through…
And Congrats on your book being up for the Quill Award.
by Little Lamb Lost
on August 26th, 2006 at 9:31 am
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Congrats on this great nomination. Whenever we plan even a small trip too may details to look after and arrange ahead of time. Big or small there is the same amount of work involved.
by pearl
on August 26th, 2006 at 9:49 am
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That is so great that you were nominated!!! A big Congrats!!!
Whenever I have to write and do something that needs me to be focused I will always make sure I have plenty of snacks and drinks on hand :) …for all those mini breaks I give myself…LOL
by Kathleen
on August 26th, 2006 at 10:25 am
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Laurie G. could not have said it better; those are my words also. I panic even after
having a list made, checking and double checking and worrying. I get all uptight
and why I ask myself over and over but some things in life never change.
Congrats on the nomination.
by Robyn
on August 26th, 2006 at 10:34 am
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Congratulations on your nomination. I used to make cuson clothing(home business). I always measured and remeasured because I was scared the article wouldn’t turn out the way the customer wanted.
by Estella Kissell
on August 26th, 2006 at 11:39 am
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Congratulations!! I am with Laurie G. I am a list-maker no matter what the task…I always want to do it perfectly.
by Jennifer Y.
on August 26th, 2006 at 11:55 am
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Hi, all! Thanks so much for all the good wishes! Maureen, your bit about your daughter cracked me up, because my college roommate and I used to do just that– we both decided that it was all part of the work “process,” because, really, who could possible write a paper without a prolonged cycle of procrastination, whining, and panic? I have to confess, neither of us have grown out of it. These days, she’s writing a dissertation and I’m supposed to be hard at work on the new book, so we’ll call each other and leave, “I’m supposed to be working– call me back so I can procrastinate!” messages on each other’s machines.
Kathleen, I’m so there with you on the snacks! Some people are chain smokers; for a while I was a chain carrot eater. Whenever I had a big project due, I would buy one of those two pound bags of baby carrots and just crunch my way through the whole thing. Then someone told me how much sugar is in a carrot– eek. So I switched to to chocolate chip cookies.
by Lauren Willig
on August 26th, 2006 at 11:56 am
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Estella, I’m so impressed about the custom clothing! My best friend designs and sews custom bags, and I’m always amazed by her ability to take an aesthetic vision and turn it into reality. (If anyone is curious, her crafting blog is http://www.getcrafty.com/blogs.php?user=belleepoque, and her online store is http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=110). My sewing attempts generally don’t look much like the ideal vision in my head. I’d never thought about it this way before, but it really does sound like it’s a lot like writing, in that you start out with a perfect idea of what you want and then have to bring all your craft to bear to wrestle the raw materials into that shape. Sometimes, don’t you wish you could just snap your fingers and have the completed product magically appear?
by Lauren Willig
on August 26th, 2006 at 12:08 pm
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As for lists… don’t even get me started on lists. The worst is when I add things that I’ve already done to my lists just so I can cross them off and feel like I’ve accomplished something. :)
by Lauren Willig
on August 26th, 2006 at 12:14 pm
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Congratulations on the nomination! I guess I am not the only one obsessed with making lists for everything. :D
by Cherie Japp
on August 26th, 2006 at 12:40 pm
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list making is a must for me. Otherwise I am lost and I resort to it constantly. It may be an old fashioned method but it works.
by ellie
on August 26th, 2006 at 12:46 pm
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LOL Lauren…I do that too…add things I have already done to the list…I try to tell myself it is so I will remember that I have done it, but really it is so it looks like I have accomplished something and don’t feel bad.
by Jennifer Y.
on August 26th, 2006 at 1:50 pm
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Tried to post this morning but my messages never showed. Hoping this one will.
Congrats on your book being up for the Quill Award, sounds thrilling.
My college papers and reports were written with similar digressions as you describe in your post.
by Little Lamb Lost
on August 26th, 2006 at 8:47 pm
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Congrats on your nomination.
Am having a problem with my system shutting down automatically when logging onto this site thru mozilla. I dont know why and I have to remember to access it thru i.e. instead. Anyone else having this problem? This has been happening the last several days.
by Pat L.
on August 26th, 2006 at 10:29 pm
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congrats. great news. Whenever I have to start a project it is a big production and the preparation seems to take longer than the completion of the project itself.
by sharon
on August 26th, 2006 at 11:01 pm
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Hi, again! The winner of a copy of Black Tulip is… Ellie! Ellie, if you email me (willig@post.harvard.edu) with your snail mail address, I’ll send the book along.
by Lauren Willig
on August 27th, 2006 at 9:05 pm
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Congrats Ellie!
by Carol
on August 28th, 2006 at 11:00 am
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Congrats Ellie
by Robyn
on August 29th, 2006 at 10:15 am
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Hello Lauren, just wanted to say that it’s nice to hear someone else has the WBP syndrome too, (writer’s block panic, for inquiring minds).
Funny how procrastination works too. I write my book to procrastinate from my marketing report or psych paper, write my marketing report to procrastinate from my book, and write my blog to procrastinate from both!
I’ve only had a couple of things published (in college papers), but I am writing my second novel now with the intention of actually trying to publish it. I’ve been my own worst critic for the past year as I’ve written, writing and rewriting sections, or entire chapters over again. Any suggestions as to how to stop the vicious cycle of literary second-guessing?
by Jen
on September 1st, 2006 at 6:14 pm
