As I write this I am preparing to leave for West Virginia for the weekend for a writer’s retreat. I actually was supposed to leave an hour ago, but that’s another story…
For those who haven’t been to one, a writer’s retreat basically works like this: you go, you meet people, you drink a little, you eat bad hotel food and all the junk food you can stick in your mouth between gulps of air, you gossip, you listen to speakers who know way more than you (and some you are convinced have never read a book, let alone written one), you gawk at the author bigwigs, you try to figure out how to say hello to editors and agents without spilling your drink on you or them or both, and you stay up too late (and, unfortunately, look as if you did the next morning).
I have one more thing I do at writer retreats. Think of it as my specialty: I act like a dork.
This is not on purpose. Since I do it so well, one may think it is an act. Truly, it’s not. My ability to do something embarassing or shockingly stupid actually comes quite naturally but is almost never intentional. I like to think of it as a gift. The kind of gift you can’t return. Ever.
The extreme dorkiness apppears at those moments when one would want her inner dork to take a little rest. For instance, when standing in line behind Nora Roberts in the food line and being so enthralled at how tiny she is in person (and the fact she does appear to be a human) that you trip and fall on her. Or, being so busy trying to see if Nora really is wearing an Armani jacket that you smack your forehead into the back of her skull. Another example would be when asking Suzanne Brockmann to sign a copy of her book, you blurt out that your name is Trudy because, for reasons unknown, it is the first name that pops into your head. But, umm, your name isn’t Trudy. Your name doesn’t even sound like Trudy. You don’t know a Trudy. Now you have a book signed to Trudy and no intelligent explanation for that fact. You can’t throw your Trudy book away because somehow she’ll find out, so you look into the cost of changing your name to Trudy.
Then there’s the I’d-rather-be-set-on-fire-like-a-big-hot-dog part of the program. Retreat organizers refer to this as the agent and editor conferences. This is your time to meet, one-on-one, with that writing professional who has been rejecting your work for decades. Despite the fact part of you wants to stab said professional in the eye with a pen, you play nice. No one wants to be the author other authors point to as the editor eye stabber. That is not good for your career and no one will sit with you at lunch. So, you push back the homicidal feelings and prepare your pitch. You sit there ready to go. After all that time and work in boiling your 6,000 word opus down to a pithy two-sentence synopsis, you start talking as fast as you can, and the first sentence usually goes something like this: “I’m Trudy and I have a book about books and a bear and a girl who likes books and bears and there’s this guy in it…” At this point, the editor or agent has either fainted or started screaming for you to stop talking. Neither is good but, hey, at least you didn’t get out that pen and use it. And, yes, your name still isn’t Trudy. We won’t even talk about the fact your book doesn’t have so much as a bearskin rug in it.
I could go on (and on), but you get the point.
My job this weekend will be to not cause a scene. MaryJanice Davidson will be at the retreat. I think she’s funny. I intend to tell her that and am very hopeful I don’t spit on her in the process or introduce myself as Trudy. Good thing we have those nametags. I plan to wear mine upside down at all times so at least I can read it.
So, I can’t be alone here, right? Let me know what author has the power to turn you into a pile of mush - that person you want to meet and chat with, but who you are convinced you would throw-up on (by accident, of course). Let me hear your dream author or, even better, your true story about one of these meetings. I’ll pick a person at random and that person can have an in-stock book of his or her choice by that favorite author (yeah, I’m not paying $5000 for a discontinued Harlequin by Jayne Ann Krentz, so don’t even ask). Let me know and you get my book (whether or not you want it…) and one from your author.
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Hi Helen Kay,
Unfortunately, I’ve never had the opportunity to meet a favorite author. The library here had a “Bookmania” event but none of the authors were romance!! The author I’d most like to meet is Jill Shalvis. She seems very down -to -earth, with a great sense of humor! I can relate to her escapades with her daughters, her house remodeling and her love of treats (GS cookies)!! I enjoy her sexy characters and the situations that they find themselves in. I’m in awe of her writing talent.
I’m sure I’d be beet red, as I blush all the time and I probably would be totally tongue tied but I’d love to meet Jill!
by Laurie G
on April 29th, 2006 at 7:06 am
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I have never met an author but I would pick Bronwyn Jameson. First of all I would want to go to Australia to meet her. Looking at the pictures on her website and reading her blog it looks like a beautiful place to visit. Secondly, reading her blog she seems like a very easy person to talk to and, of course, her books are wonderful.
by Maureen
on April 29th, 2006 at 7:27 am
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What a funny article. Have a great time.
I dont think I would spill anything on anyone but might say something stupid.
I have had the pleasure to meet and they were very entertaining and funny - wonderful speakers:
Nora Roberts
Suzanne Brockmann
Barbara Delinsky
James Patterson
Erin Brockovich
They all did book signings at a local store not too far from where I live.
James said he can write anywhere and writes more than one book at a time.
Nora said her favorite book is the one she is writing at the time.
I feel so lucky to have met some very popular authors and have read many many many of their books.
by Pat
on April 29th, 2006 at 7:57 am
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P. S.
When are you coming to the local bookstore near me? And I wouldnt mind if you brought some of your reading pals.:grin:
by Pat
on April 29th, 2006 at 7:59 am
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The author I’d like to meet is Nora Roberts. I really like her books, especially the ones with Irish heroes and heroines.
by Minna
on April 29th, 2006 at 8:22 am
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I am painfully shy in person and friends say that trying to make conversation with me at the beginning of our acquaintance was like pulling teeth. In truth, I suffer from foot-in-mouth disease and apparently wear my mint flavored shoes frequently. The result is that I stay quite quiet in hopes of not accidentally saying anything embarassing that I will later regret. Happily, those of us who suffer this affliction are assured by friends that whatever it was that we said wasn’t really that bad and we are just being paranoid. Sadly, I find limited comfort in being accused of mental health issues. *sigh*
I have never met an author in person, though I have an entire list of authors I would love to meet. There is a tie in which author I would most like to meet. They are Sarah McCarty and Kate Douglas. Have been in Chats with both and they seem so fun with great senses of humor.
by little lamb lost
on April 29th, 2006 at 8:44 am
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I’m not one for meeting people, I would rather get lost in their books. I tend to want to be invisable even in a family gathering. But there are several authors I wouldn’t mind seeing to get their autograph, like Karen Marie Moning or Diana Gabaldon just to name a couple. I have a very large verity of romance authors books that I tend to get lost in. I don’t have one special one.
But with my luck I would most likely dump something all over her and the way my luck runs it would most likely stain. Hope she has an extra set of clothes to change into.
by Tammy G.
on April 29th, 2006 at 9:18 am
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I am pretty much like the other ladies, havent met an author and am shy.
Some of my favorite authors are:
Lorraine Heath, Susan Mallery, Sherryl Woods to name a few. I could go on and on. 
by Karen
on April 29th, 2006 at 9:39 am
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Oh my gosh, I’m not sure the writer’s weekend sounds like fun. I hope your brave side comes out . I went to a booksigning only once a few years ago. It was at a bookstore and the table was set up in the coffee area there. I was hiding between the bookcases because I didn’t have the nerve to go over there. My girlfriend was with me but she wasn’t a romance reader so I was on my own. I finally got the nerve to walk over there and say hello. Boy, that runway over to her was so long. haha! I finally made it and said hello. She asked me if I had read any of her books and who my favorite hero was. I could not even name one and I had read all of her books. I completely became a “dead head”. My mind was blank. I mumbled something like there’s so many I can’t just choose one. She signed one of her books that I wanted for my keeper collection, asked a few more questions which I could barely answer and thenI left. It didn’t go well. haha!
by KimW
on April 29th, 2006 at 9:46 am
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I have not met any authors in person. I think it would be great to meet Mercedes Lackey. She sounds like such a fascinating person from what I have read.
by Cherie Japp
on April 29th, 2006 at 9:50 am
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Have a great weekend. I have a feeling a lot of your post is your true testamonial,too funny. Sometimes when you think about not doing something you do just that. It’s wierd how that happens,something about Murphey’s Law,lol.
There are sooo many authors I would like to meet.It would be perfect if I went to the RITA’s or a RT convention or even a authors at sea cruise. That way I would meet tons of my favs. A couple at the top of my list is Bronwyn Jameson just like Maureen. Also Donna Kauffman from her and Bronwyn’s blog I’ve learned so much about them and their great. Brenda Novak is a not only a wonderful person but a wonderful writer that I would love to meet too.She has a fund raiser to get money to help find/research for diabetes, a disease her own young son has. Just since reading this new blog I’ve gotten to know more about you and the other posters and Alison Kent seems like a wonderful person and you are too funny so it would be great to meet the Access Romance bloggers. Maybe there could be a super contest to meet a lot of authors?
by Dena
on April 29th, 2006 at 10:08 am
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I have been very lucky and have met several authors - Diana Gabaldon, Suzanne Brockmann, Lori Foster, Dianne Castell, LuAnn McLane, Erin McCarthy, Shiloh Walker, Lora Leigh, Tori Carrington (Lori & Tony), to name a few. They were all so easy to chat with, and I am a painfully shy person myself, but they made it easy.
I would say Suzanne Brockmann was the one I was most nervous about - she’s such a big name and I absolutely love, love, love her books. Fortunately I didn’t make a fool out of myself (though that’s always a risk) but I did feel tongue-tied and a little stupid trying to think of things to say LOL.
Other than the big conferences (RWA & RT), there is one I went to last year that had about 30-40 authors. It was Lori Foster’s June get-together. It’s in Ohio but it’s very informal and it’s tons of fun. Relaxing and enjoyable.
by Stacy ~
on April 29th, 2006 at 11:00 am
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Never had the opportunity or privilege to meet an author or go to a book
signing; wah wah! I would love to meet Anna DeStefano-through her blog
I feel as if I somewhat know her already; she is an upbeat, positive person.
by Robyn
on April 29th, 2006 at 11:07 am
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Hi,
I have not have the privilege either to have met any authors. But some of my favs (and I would probably babble too or do some other regrettable thing) are:
Sherryl Woods - have probably read most all of hers - love her full sized series books
Sheridon Smythe is fairly new to me - but really like her work
SEP, Catherine Anderson, Brockmann, Nora - have probably read all or most of theirs
Dianne Castell is another favorite. Don’t want to take out too much space; but the list is endless.
by Helen L.
on April 29th, 2006 at 12:05 pm
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I am so nervous meeting new people, so if they are my favorite authors (or any author really) I would probably be a basket case. I was fortunate enough to meet Anna DeStefano and Rita Herron at a signing earlier in the year. My heart was beating a mile a minute and I don’t remember a word I said, but I guess it made sense. Nobody was staring, laughing, or pointing at me…I don’t think. 
There are two that would probably turn me into a babbling idiot. The first would be Julie Garwood. She is one of my absolute favorites and wrote the first romance book that I ever read. How do you thank someone for introducing you to the world of romance? I wouldn’t even know where to begin. Another would be Julia Quinn. I own and have read every book that she has out at least 5 times. I would be so nervous meeting her…and like you with MJD, I fear I would forget my own name (for different reasons than yours though).
by Jennifer Y.
on April 29th, 2006 at 1:05 pm
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HelenKay,
I feel for you girl. I’m like that too. The only difference is that when I get nervous in the presence of greatness, my normally slight Southern drawl suddenly sounds like a mix between Ellie May Clampett and Forrest Gump 
. Oh well, what can you do lol?
Let’s see, there are so many authors that I would love to meet such as: SEP, Dianne Castell, Jennifer Crusie, Eloisa James, Anna DeStefano, Alison Kent, Bronwyn Jameson, Vicki Lewis Thompson, Jill Shalvis, Wally Lamb, Dean Koontz, and that HelenKay/Trudy chick 
.
Okay, I get it. I am supposed to pick just one. Well I guess I would most want to meet Donna Kauffman. She is an amazing writer, but also intelligent and exceedingly funny. I also think she is nice enough not to mention that I am channeling Ellie May .
by Zara
on April 29th, 2006 at 1:25 pm
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:cool:The only author I had the pleasure of meeting was Suzanne Brockmann. She was very nice and a great speaker. I do like her books very much. I don’t think I embarrassed myself and would probably try to stay low key so I did not do anything that I would be embarrassed by.
There are so many authors I like; but here are a few:
Dianne Castell, Julia London, Jennifer LaBrecque, Joanne Rock.
Can’t wait to hear how you made out at the retreat.
by Joanne V.
on April 29th, 2006 at 3:20 pm
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I’m a book signing junkie, and have made trips to various spots across the country to have books signed. My first big signing was at Turn the Page bookstore with Nora Roberts, among others. I planned the trip for months–saved money, arranged for flight and car rental, etc.
The morning of the signing, I went to the store to get my number (to find out which group I’d be in to sign) and buy the books. I bought an insane amount of books (no point in going if I’m not going to make it worthwhile, right?), went to lunch, then came back for the signing.
I got in line (according to the number I’d gotten earlier), and when I got into the room where Nora was signing, I had this sudden moment of panic. I’d made all these plans and come all this way, and I had no idea what I was going to say to her. None. The moment of panic turned into a panicked several minutes as the line slowly moved forward.
I did manage to say something to her, and I apologized for having so many books for her to sign. But I had come all that way . . .
OK, my next signing was Suzanne Brockmann. I arrived at the hotel (it was actually a weekend event) and went to the room they’d set up as a hospitality suite. I’m a fairly shy person, but I walked in. When I saw someone I recognized as Suz’s best friend (from pictures on her site), I panicked.
Here’s the thing–I have to gear myself up to be social with large groups or with people I don’t know. I had the agenda of the weekend’s events. I thought I knew what I was getting into. So it totally through me off to see Eric (the friend) in that room, because that meant Suz might be there. And my trip to the hospitality suite did not include meeting Suz–at least, that’s what my mind said. Once again, I hadn’t planned what I would say.
This time, I could not cope with the panic, so I fled. Yes, it’s true. I went back to my hotel room, mentally kicking myself the entire way. I had to gear myself back up again for the welcome/opening session, but I did, and it was fine. Suz hadn’t been in the room after all, although Eric did come up to me and say he’d tried to say hello but I left the room so quickly he didn’t catch me.
My other two trips–one to meet Charlaine Harris and another to last year’s RWA signing, went much more smoothly as far as figuring out what to say to different authors.
Oh, one last story, and this one will be short, I promise. I met Rachel Gibson at a local signing. We chatted for a few minutes, and she asked me whose historical romances I enjoyed reading. My mind went completely blank, as if I’d never read historical romance before. I stammered something out about Lisa Kleypas, but I’m sure I looked stupid with this blank look on my face.
As for who I want to meet but am hoping not to embarrass myself when doing so–Sylvia Day.
I’m planning to attend this year’s RWA signing. Can I call you Trudy if I run into you?
by Alyssa
on April 29th, 2006 at 4:54 pm
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P.S. I do know how to spell threw.
by Alyssa
on April 29th, 2006 at 4:56 pm
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i would love to meet so many. i would love to meet lori foster. she has been in the business for so many years and selects new authors too. that takes a lot of process and hard work. she gives others a shot at their dreams and she has picked some great ones like erin mccarthy. i would love to go to her get together.
by kim h
on April 29th, 2006 at 5:36 pm
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I too get a little tongue tied at book signings. I’ve had books signed by Dorothea Benton Frank, Nicholas Sparks, R.L. Stine, and a few others.
I’d love to go to a book signing for Laura Childs, Joanne Fluke, Kelsey Roberts, or Anna DeStefano.
I never know quite what to say. At one book signing, my then 15 month old son, kept ramming his stroller into my legs while the author was signing. I tried to stay composed, but I almost ended up sprawled face down across the desk.
Needless to say, I got out of there quick with my signed book in hand.
by Sandra M.
on April 29th, 2006 at 6:18 pm
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I’ve had the good fortune to meet Susan Gable and Erin McCarthy when they had a book baby shower for their “twin” books — The Pregnancy Test. They were both exceedingly nice and very easy to talk to even though I am normally shy. Susan was also so sweet to my 11-year-old daughter I had with me and included her in the games.
The author I would most like to meet would be Leslie Kelly. Her writing is so down-to-earth and humorous. Once I begin a book by her, I cannot put it down until I’ve read the whole thing.
by Cheryl S.
on April 29th, 2006 at 7:02 pm
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I have not had the chance to go to a book signing or meet an author…although I do live in a major city…So why aren’t authors adding a tour stop here!!! Anyway:smile:, I think if I met any author I would be kinda awe struck.
by Kathleen
on April 29th, 2006 at 9:59 pm
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I have had the privilege of meeting several authors, not jut romance writers. It is always so enjoyable.
Some of my favorite authors include Dianne Castell, Catherine Anderson, Judy Christenberry, Beverly Brandt, Susan Donovan and many many more. I would try to be very careful so as not to do anything stupid. LOL.
by Helen Mac
on April 29th, 2006 at 10:51 pm
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I don’t ever get to meet any romance authors in person since I’m overseas. I actually have several I dream of meeting one day but if I can only pick one, it would be Lisa Kleypas. I’ve been reading her books for the longest time and her talent with words is totally amazing. In her presence, I just know I’ll disgrace myself opening and closing my mouth in an effort to speak but managing nary a squeak.
by Jenny
on April 29th, 2006 at 11:25 pm
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I’m actually very shy and if I had to answer this question face to face with you I’d be sputtering. I think Jennifer Crusie is the author I’d love to meet but I don’t think I could get up the nerve to talk.
by Susan
on April 30th, 2006 at 11:51 am
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I’m with Susan…I’d love to meet Jenny Crusie. She comes across as such a witty person, I’m afraid I’d be the proverbial babbling fool and turn into a drooling idiot.
I’d really like to opportunity to meet her, though…..
by Angie
on April 30th, 2006 at 7:50 pm
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I have never been to a book signing before. I’m very quiet with people that I don’t know. I think I would be a ball of nerves. If I could get past that I would like to meet Lisa Kleypas or Julie Garwood.
by Karen G
on April 30th, 2006 at 8:33 pm
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I havent been to a signing either and would hope everything would go ok if I did. There are so many authors I would like to meet.
by Paula
on April 30th, 2006 at 9:25 pm
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I have never been to a signing and I have never met an authors but I would love to meet Nora Roberts someday! I love her books! I’m reading the In Death series now and I just can’t get enough of Eve and Roarke (especially Roarke)! lol
by Carol
on May 1st, 2006 at 1:27 pm
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I agree with many of the ladies who would love to meet several different authors. I too have not many any.
Brockman and SEP - I have read them all.
Also D. Castell, J. Christenberry, S. Smythe’s Escort Services Books are fantastic.
by Brenda
on May 1st, 2006 at 1:42 pm
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Don’t let HKD fool you— she’s great at conferences, a wonderful writer, and a really fun person to hang around with. I don’t know about Trudy, though–
However, I’ll post my own story: A recent booksigning encounter with Erica Jong, who herself refers tongue-in-cheek to “Fear of Flying” as “that book.” I blathered something about reading it shortly after it came out, lo these many years, and being “thrilled and terrified that this was real life and I wasn’t ready.” I then found myself launching into some psycho-babble about living today with the consequences of my actions as a young woman. Erica Jong blinked a few times and nodded, ever gracious, until I recognized what an idiot I was being and moved away. Quickly. Face burning.
The man in line just before me had an entertaining conversation with her about their respective dogs. Why didn’t I think of that? Oh, yeah, don’t have a dog….
by LA
on May 1st, 2006 at 2:43 pm
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Would love to meet many of my favorite authors. Have read all of Catherine Anderson’s, Susan Andersen’s, Susan E. Phillips, Jane Graves. Am sure I could could find another favorite author should I be lucky enuf to be picked. And would love to read one of yours too, Helen. Fingers Crossed.:mrgreen:
by Lori D.
on May 1st, 2006 at 6:30 pm
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Hope you had a good time. Soooo many authors that I do love. Have not met any though. Count me in for the drawing. Will certainly come with an author for you to send me. Positive thinking!!!!!
by Maria
on May 2nd, 2006 at 8:30 am
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I met Kinley Macgregor/ Sherrilyn Kenyon this weekend and it took me awhile till I gathered all my courage to talk with her. She is very friendly person and so much fun to talk to.
by Danny
on May 2nd, 2006 at 1:57 pm
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Another big moment for me will be the RT in two weeks. I know quite a few author from the Net, but it always different to meet them in person. I can hardly wait to see them all
by Danny
on May 2nd, 2006 at 2:00 pm
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How exciting Danny,have fun.
by Dena
on May 3rd, 2006 at 12:26 pm
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And the winner is….Karen (comment #8). Yeah! Email me at helenkay@helenkaydimon.com to arrange for your books.
Thanks to everyone for participating. You’ll be happy to know I managed not to spit, trip, fall or partake in any other scary act. MaryJanice Davidson survived meeting me with all limbs intact.
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Big congrats Karen!
by Danny
on May 4th, 2006 at 4:00 pm
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Thank you very much HelenKay; am looking forward to my books - very happy to be getting one of yours too.
Thanks, Danny for your congrats.
by Karen
on May 4th, 2006 at 6:43 pm
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wtg karen
by KIM H
on May 4th, 2006 at 10:10 pm
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Congrats Karen
Glad to hear you had a great time HelenKay w/out any Trudy appearances.:lol:
by Dena
on May 5th, 2006 at 10:32 am
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Congrats Karen!
by Carol
on May 5th, 2006 at 7:19 pm
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:smile:Oh, Helen, Thank you so much for your generosity - 3 books I absolutely wanted arrived today. I am so excited and esp. since I only expected 2 books. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
by Karen
on May 8th, 2006 at 9:30 pm
