 Recently, I was asked by both my publishers and one of the nation’s top two book distributors to autograph books at a Woman’s Expo in Knoxville. Although I can probably count on one hand (okay, maybe two :smile:) the number of book signings I’ve done in 23 years in this business, whenever a publisher or major distributor asks me to sign books, I’ll put on my author suit and show up with a smile. The problem was, they didn’t ask me until about ten days in advance. And I’d already scheduled a vacation trip with my sweetie to the beach. (After canceling three trips — to Ireland, Italy, and the beach — in the last two years due to work.)
I wanted to be a good doobie, but I was in a time crunch because of back to back deadlines earlier in the year and a seven day Authors at Sea cruise (which will have me away from home for nine days) starting the first of April, which I agreed to do for my publisher and the other big distributor. So this was the only time we could go. It was also not exactly the deal I’d made when I encouraged my husband to take a way early retirement buy-out so we could have lots of time to play.
Conflicted, I asked writer pals what I should do. All but one reminded me that I only had one husband. And life was short. Coincidentally, my sweetie was leaving the next morning to fly down to S.C. and arrange for carpet and window cleaners to get the place ready. The minute I told him about the request, he said, “I guess we’ll be canceling this vacation.” I felt really good being able to tell him we were taking the time off, as planned.
A few days later, when he returned, we went out for dinner at a small neighborhood restaurant. He choked on a piece of steak.
I tried Heimlich — without success — while screaming for help.
 The entire restaurant staff came running out of the kitchen and was gathered around the table, USELESS!!!!
Fortunately, by the time he’d turned a really scary shade of gray, a man from a nearby table saved him after five tries. We secretly arranged with the restaurant to buy his and his date’s dinner (after we left), which was so not sufficient for what he’d done. Like saving me from being a widow! We also decided later, when we could think straight again, that he probably really scored points with that date. 
My point, and I do have one, is that it’s so easy to get caught up in the deadlines and pressure that are part and parcel of this book writing business that we can lose track of what’s really important. And if my friends hadn’t reminded me, boy, that night at the restaurant really drove the point home!
Two nights later, knowing we had to get back on the horse, so to speak, we went out again to a different restaurant. And had a perfectly lovely, romantic dinner.
Now, of course, I’m flush with good intentions, determined to do better at balancing my home life — make that my romantic life — with my work. After all, my heroines manage to chase down killers and still have time to fall in love. Surely I can fit in a movie or dinner? I’d love to hear how other people do it. Do you make official dates? Turn off the computer — and that little e-mail ding — at a certain time each evening? Plan weekend getaways? And surely I’m not the only person who sometimes finds herself caught up on the spinning hamster wheel of life? (Oh, please tell me I’m not!) And to encourage sharing, I’ll be giving an autographed copy of BLAZE and an IMPULSE chocolate bar to three people who respond. Winners will be chosen at random.
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You are so right. It is easy to live your life constantly trying to keep up with what has to be done. Taking a time-out and just enjoying an evening together is a treat.
by Maureen
on March 10th, 2006 at 6:12 am
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My husband and I both dislike eating out…too crowded, too noisy, don’t know where to go, pay a lot of money and not like what you get! So, we like to take a walk every evening before dinner. We find this quiet, relaxing and a great way to “destress” from a busy day.
by Laurie
on March 10th, 2006 at 6:40 am
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I’m so glad your restaurant story had a happy ending just like your books. My husband and I try to get all the chores and errands done during the week so we have a little peaceful time on the weekends. We do all of that together and I have to say lots of laughs can be found at the grocery or hardware store when we’re together. Even if I’m on the PC, he’s generally next to me watching TV. Like right now. haha!
by KimW
on March 10th, 2006 at 6:55 am
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What a horribly scary thing to happen - the event prob still gives you the shakes. Thank God, it turned out with a hea.
We usually try to make time even during the week as he works very crazy hours. Sit together with the t.v. or him with the t.v. and me reading of course on the couch. And the computer is in the den so we can chat if one of us is on the net.
My parents are elderly and live 30 mins away and he is always happy to accompany me to visit them; matter of fact lots of times it is his idea. He is really a good person and would anything for anyone.
by Pat
on March 10th, 2006 at 7:34 am
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Wow, what a scary event. I am glad there was someone there to save your husband.
Life does get hectic and it can be hard to spend quality time with the one you love. My husband and I watch tv together every evening and we do schedule dates. We also visit my parents once a week.
by Crystal B.
on March 10th, 2006 at 8:09 am
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Thank goodness for that man who knew what to do and was successful at it.
Incidents like that do remind one of the important things in life. Thanks for
bringing this to the forefront for me.
Hubby and I spend a lot of time together as in I’m there with him when he is working out in the yard helping by handing him a hammer, holding boards
when he is cutting with the saw, etc. Both of us are in the same computer room
networked together or sometimes we just order a pizza to be picked up(no delivery in this small town) and eat it sitting in the living room with the TV on. I even go
with him to the ‘garbage dump’ out of town or puppy and I most often go with him
for a ride out to his friend’s farm when he does chores. On occasion we go for a drive out in the country at night, lay the van seats back and watch the stars and talk.
by Robyn L
on March 10th, 2006 at 9:36 am
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I am so glad that everything turned out okay for your husband. Events like that can really give you a reality check about your priorities! I would blog about what what my husband and I do to spend more time together..but I’m not married. Therefore if I was :smile:, I would definitley arrange time for us to spend time together….taking a walks outdoors or just sitting on the porch talking about anything and everything.
by Kathleen
on March 10th, 2006 at 10:13 am
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I’m so glad that your husband is ok. It’s too bad more people aren’t able to help when that happens and that includes me. I would panic, too!
I have just recently realized I spend too much time at home on my computer and I’m making a real effort to do more things with my family. We seem to forget sometimes how short life really is!
by Carol
on March 10th, 2006 at 10:51 am
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Wow! I am so glad that man was there to help your husband. What a scary thing to happen. My husband and I also try to make our relationship a priority when we can, We are parents of a toddler so time is not readily available. Once a year we make a commitment to get away for our anniversary. We drop off our son with my mother and twin sister so that they can spoil him rotten  and so that we can have some alone time. We also try to chat in the evenings when our son is in bed. Once in awhile we drop our son off with friend we trust so we can have a date night. It’s not always easy but we know how important it is to make our relationship a priority at least once in awhile.
by Cherie Japp
on March 10th, 2006 at 11:22 am
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Yikes! Scary story, but with a happy ending.
My hubby and I have a little weekend place at a campground 90 miles from home. We’ve had no internet access there so we spend a lot of time talking or watching movies (we do have a TV and DVD player). HOWEVER, they’ve created a wi-fi hot spot this year and for a fee we can get broadband internet access. We’re really debating about it. On the one hand, we can check email. On the other hand, we’ve spent the last 4 summers doing without checking email from Friday night til Monday morning and lived to tell about it. It’s a tough decision.
Someone once told me that I should enjoy the pre-published days because there aren’t deadlines and galleys and line edits and book signings. Lots of us want to be published, but there’s a lot of work involved with it.
Published or not, it’s important to take time and smell the roses. Or the daffodils or tulips or whatever might be blooming. I don’t think St. Peter’s ever heard anyone at the Pearly Gates say “Gee, I wish I’d spent more time at the office.”
by Marilyn
on March 10th, 2006 at 12:07 pm
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Wow! What a story! Thank goodness for that man.
I agree with you. It is so easy to get caught up in everyday life or work. I think it is important to take a break and spend time with loved ones. It could mean going to dinner or eating in. Just spending some kind of time with them to let them know you haven’t forgotten them and that you love them is good.
by Jennifer Yates
on March 10th, 2006 at 1:53 pm
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I am so glad that your husband is okay! I understand that fear, as I had to do Heimlich on my daughter. About a year ago at church she choked on a peppermint, and thankfully after three attempts, it dislodged. I do not think I stopped hugging her that entire day!
My husband and I do schedule “date nights”. With two small children and two careers we have to. I always look forward to that time alone together. Also, I try to cherish the little moments with my family. Sometimes I just take a step back to watch my husband and children. The other day, I walked in and my daughter was having a tea party for her Daddy. There was my big, strong husband sitting in a child-size chair drinking tea lol! It’s these little moments that make my heart so full, I think it may burst. I do get stressed with all the chaos at times. Still, I know I would not trade one hectic minute of it.
by Zara
on March 11th, 2006 at 1:33 am
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I loved all the stories!! Thanks so much for sharing. And wow, Zara, how terrifying for you having your daughter choke like that!! (Though I suppose, if you have to have a baby choke, church might be one of the more advantageous places. ) Oh, and Marilyn, my heartfelt advice would be to stay away from that Internet access during your summer camping weekends. Remember when people were “forced” to deal with the delays in real mail? Perhaps instant communication isn’t always such a good thing. We’re on really slow dial-up down here, which helps me resist going on line nearly as much as I do at home.
The funny — odd, not haha — thing is that since my sweetie’s way early retirement, we now spend about 24 hrs a day together (and have for the past eight years and actually still like each other), so we do cook dinner together most nights, watch TV in the evening, and every night, whatever’s happening, we take 1/2 hr to an hour before starting dinner to talk about our day and we’re that couple at Walgreens and Krogers and Home Depot holding hands.
But when your office is in your home, faxes come in, emails are constantly arriving with people seeming to expect immediate responses, Fedex arrives with mss to proof, even on Saturdays, and it’s harder to escape from work. We once left the house at 5 p.m. on a Friday to go to dinner before a rare concert –it was the first time George Strait had come to town in a decade and no way was going to miss that! — and returned home to a frantic phone message from my editor, asking where I was, saying that there was a problem with my BLAZE cover, she was emailing it to me, and wanted to talk to me about it. So, after a lovely evening, there we were at nearly midnight, trying to open a PNG file.
This is why actually physically getting away from town seems to be important. Though even down at the beach, Fedex showed up with galley pages of IMPULSE to proof, which has me thinking perhaps I ought to just start telling publishing people I’m out of the country with no access to email. (As my editor always does when she goes on vacation.) But with my luck, I’d get caught in the lie, so I suppose I just need to be more firm about when I’m off the clock.
I have decided that it’s probably time to start scheduling official “date nights” just to remind us both that we’re not merely supporting players in the story of my writing career.
My sweetie just drew the names. Actually, to be perfectly honest, we taped them to the garage wall , blindfolded him, and he threw darts he bought at a pub in Waterford, Ireland at the pages. So, if Robyn, Cherie, or Pat felt a sudden twinge, it was the dart hitting home. If you’ll email your actual post office mailing addresses from my brand newly designed website at http://www.joannross.com (note my clever ploy to make you go check it out), I’ll get the books and chocolate out to you in the next couple weeks, as soon as we get home.
Thanks again, all. And remember, hug those loved ones! Life, as we were recently reminded, can be a lot shorter than you might have planned! xoxox
by JoAnn Ross
on March 11th, 2006 at 9:28 am
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congrats Cherie and Pat and thanks JoAnn’s sweetie for hitting me with a dart; hehehe.
by Robyn L
on March 11th, 2006 at 11:43 am
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i love blaze book! can’t wait for impulse
by kim h
on March 11th, 2006 at 2:16 pm
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Wow, I am so glad your husband is fine now. My husband once choked on an M&M. We were at home. I’d learned the Heimlich a few months before. As it turned out, I had to do it about three times and I’m not even sure I had the technique quite right. I was shaking so badly for hours after that I thought I’d never quit shaking. As you said, we often let work pressures tell us that we have to keep working when we should be taking necessary down time for ourselves.
Denise A. Agnew
www.deniseagnew.com
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Kim — Thanks for the nice words about Blaze. That was one of my personal faves, and I have to admit I was a tad worried about following it with Impulse, especially having to write the Wyoming book so fast after Katrina hit New Orleans, but I just finished proofing the galleys and I think I even like it better. My Sweetie, who also proofed it, say it read really, really fast. I told him maybe that’s probably because I had to write it really, really fast.
Denise — Wow! An M&M? Who’d guess? Jay later told me that I’d been doing it right, but was too high. Of course he couldn’t tell me why he was choking. As for your shaking, I can so identify. it was the oddest thing. We were both exhausted all the next day and decided it was from having that incredibly scary adrenaline boost the night before. Which had us wondering about football players and other athletes who have to pump themselves up to do their job every week. We wondered if they’ve just learned to ignore the exhaustion or if perhaps their bodies process adrenaline differently.
Robyn — My sweetie says you’re very welcome.
by JoAnn Ross
on March 11th, 2006 at 3:56 pm
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Hi, I just saw now that I was one of the winners. Thanks so much and thank your husband for me. Congrats to the other winners.
by Pat
on March 21st, 2006 at 9:33 pm
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Hello, I’m Crystal, I found your blog to be really interesting, and had lots of great information, Thanks
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